Cane Adventures: 12 months later

I had briefly known about getting a cane before I was first introduced to one, but even then it seemed unexpected and unneeded. It was first mentioned by an ECLO (Eye Clinic Liaison Officer) after I described the things that had changed as my vision deteriorated and the things that were starting to be problematic. However, holding one made it seem all so real. No more hiding a visual impairment behind glasses. I have say, it was slightly heavier then I first anticipated and getting the hang of it took a while. It takes a number of sessions with a rehabilitation officer before you’re let loose with a cane, but that is where the real learning begins.

Over time the cane has become my new normal. I now don’t really have to think about it when I use one and the whole thing comes fairly naturally. If my knees and hips will allow it then I actually prefer to use my cane. Like any mobility aid, it is there to support you and help in some way. It is often about coming to terms with that and allowing it in your life. Yet, there are still certain times when it feels odd to use a cane. Mainly when I am in places where I could see people who still don’t know I use a cane. I know that sounds ridiculous. Sure, there are picture of me on social media with one, and I have mentioned it on my blog numerous times. However, in practice there is always that one part of me that isn’t okay with it. I don’t know whether it’s because I feel the cane can become all consuming or because I am worried about what they may think. That being said, I know it is probably me overthinking and still getting used to the whole thing.

Along with the use of a cane has come different attitudes. Over the past year I have noticed that people probably now see my visual impairment before my Cerebral Palsy. For me this is hard to believe when I wear two splints which aren’t discrete, but there you go! I am now faced with attitudes that insinuate I am blind, or the fact that I shouldn’t be able to type out this blog post. This didn’t help when I wanted to use my cane in the beginning and I was worried about getting negative comments. Lucky enough this has not happened to me, and I try to enjoy the confusion of others as I thank them for moving out of my way. Most of the time I will see you move out of my way, and are thankful for this- but the confusion as you try to figure out how the ‘blind girl’ saw you will never get old!

However, good things have happened because I now use a cane. Beside from feeling a lot more confident with it then I did 12 months ago, it has helped a great deal. The future of my sight is uncertain and despite being worse then it was last year, I don’t know what it will be like in a years time. I am glad to have used a cane before it was 100% necessary and to have the time to get used to that way of mobilising. It has been part of getting used to my level of vision but also prepares me for whatever may happen in the future. It is hard to believe that a cane can help so much, even if it is how attuned you become to the slight changes in pavement or slopes that the cane picks up before you get there. I know I would rather use my cane and know my surroundings, instead of guessing and hoping for the best. Part of this is probably to do with the fact my balance is none existent- I need all the warning I can get.

After a year of using a cane it has given me reassurance in certain situations. For some eventualities it is good to have a physical symbol that shows others your sight isn’t the best. If you ask for help then they instantly know why you may need assistance. On the other hand, a cane does come with unwanted help, despite their good intention, it can be slightly unnerving to be grabbed when getting off a train or simply trying to sit down on a bus. However, the good does outweigh the bad. It means people kindly move out of my way, so I can focus on the fix obstacles that lie ahead. It means people won’t think I am rude if I accidentally cut in front, but most importantly, it means I am a lot safer.

It may have had a rocky start, but one year with the cane has taught me some invaluable skills, independence and maybe even the early stages of acceptance.

~ Chloe x