Not so superhuman now!

I feel like it has been a lifetime since I have done a life update, probably because they don’t seem to do as well. However, that is what you are getting today! I am somehow in my final year of university and the first semester is coming to an end. Not to mention it’s nearly Christmas!

Over the years I have been asked: How do you do it all? How do you manage to write a blog and study? However, I am no super human, I have no magic wand and I am yet to freeze time. I have written this blog for five and a half years, if you have been around that long (congratulations!) then you’ll know I started my GCSE’s at the same time. Writing a blog and studying is no easy task. Yet I have somehow managed to keep a consistent two posts a month for about 3 years. However, I am increasingly finding myself getting to the 20th of the month and panicking. What do I write? How will this blog post be different to the others? Don’t get me wrong, I love to write. I think it is the one thing that keeps me sane. It also allows for a little downtime from assignments. This being said, I do not want to write for the sake of it. I do not want to publish content I am not pleased with. For these reasons, I have no fabulous topic for the end of November. You’re stuck with me I’m afraid!

University. How am I in my final year already? I could quite easily leave the paragraph there. I actually cannot believe it. As most of you will know, I am back in university halls and it is the best decision I ever made. Being so close has made things a lot easier and allowed me to get involved with some aspects that I might have previously missed. I feel it would have been harder to be the Disabilities’ Officer and get involved with projects if I still lived off campus. It also means you can be back in your bedroom within 10 minutes, if that isn’t a perk then I don’t know what is! However, final year means final chances. It means the work is harder than ever, but more interesting than ever.

Just like with every other year of education, it takes me longer to complete work. I’m not sure whether it is because I process things slower or because it just takes me longer to get my head around things. I just know that I need to work 10 times harder to get the same results. Fortunately, I am willing to put in the extra hours because I want the good grades, yet there are times when this is frustrating. Regardless of any other commitments, work is hard to get through at the moment. My vision makes reading journal articles an interesting task, and for some reason artificial light just makes my eyes hurt. An hour into a lecture and I’d quite happily close my eyes. When writing an assignment you can quite easy look at 30+ articles, I am currently managing two or three in one go. With three assignments due December/ early January, those articles quickly add up! The aim of this is not to deter someone from university, because I would definitely recommend it. However, I am just saying I’m not super human.

So, how do you manage? There has been multiple times this semester when I have just fallen asleep. I’m not talking about going to sleep on a night, or actively going to have a lie down. I’m on about unintentional naps. Despite being amusing, this just goes to show how tired I am. With the winter months upon us, it means colder weather. My body hates the cold. It can’t get warm, it seizes up, it causes more pain. There is nothing fun and magical about winter I’m afraid, apart from Christmas! I often get back from a lecture or meeting, lie down for a bit and get a hot water bottle. Pain is something I probably talk about more online than I do in person and I guess that’s the way I like it. A hot water bottle has also made it into a few lectures. Despite going against many social norms, I think I’m the real winner!

This year I seem to have more roles than ever. It was never a conscious choice, but has appeared to happen. I love volunteering, being part of university, writing a blog and freelancing. It’s living the dream and doing what I never thought was possible. It allows me to raise awareness, change public attitudes and make a small difference in the world. Who doesn’t want to do that?! If I think of what I have done this semester, never mind over the last five years, I am very proud. In the last few months alone I have been on the Shaw Trust Power 100 List, spoken at a Higher Education evening, done a Scope Role Model session, won a Scope volunteer award, raised awareness for premature babies, done a fundraising stall for RNIB, been nominated for a UK Blog Award, been a ‘Living Book’ and written 3 magazine articles. That makes me tired just thinking about it all! I’d be lying if I was to say that nothing was in the pipeline, but from January onwards it is looking quieter.

It would seen unfair to not recognise what I have managed to achieve, but at times it has been a little too much. I have stepped down from a few roles that I have and hope to resume these once I finish my degree. For me, this is a big deal. I will hold my hands up and admit I find it hard to ask for help. I find it hard to admit defeat and would much rather just carry on regardless. Despite determination being the thing that has got me so far in the first place, it can also be a large fault of mine. Too determined to take it all on, have all the fun and get all the work done. Yes, we only live one. Yes, I hope I make the most of each day. However, sometimes that means resting and conquering the world tomorrow. This is something I still haven’t completely mastered but saying no to things and asking for help is a good enough start for me.

This oddly seems like an end of year reflection. That’s the joy of blogging, you start writing and never know where you will end up! I’m not going to apologise for the lack of topic in this post and I am not going to promise you there will be two blog posts a month between now and the end of my degree. My time as a student is slowly coming to an end. Life as a Cerebral Palsy student has nearly run its course. It feels just as important to document the end of the journey, so this isn’t me ending the blog. Far from it! I have to make some decisions about the future, but I know blog writing will always be in there, I just might need a new name when I am no longer a student…

~ Chloe x