When you realise the whole world doesn’t have Cerebral Palsy

All joking aside, this is something I do sometimes forget.

I’m currently laid in bed after a day in London, I had an absolutely amazing time but my back, hips and knees are throbbing and I am hoping pain killers will kick in so I can actually get some sleep. I am wondering how I will feel tomorrow. I have a 9am lecture so I am hoping I will recover overnight and will be okay enough to sit through a lecture without too much discomfort. I also know this is wishful thinking and I will struggle to get out of bed. I have mentally scheduled time to lay down after my lecture in an attempt to get through the day in one piece. Thankfully I have no plans after my lecture so this will be more time to recuperate. However, the day after is pretty busy, so that’s going to be tricky but manageable.

But then it hit me, not everyone plans their life like this.

I am no stranger to these mental processes and my life seems to revolve around the consequences my actions have on pain and energy levels, even if I choose to ignore this and have fun anyway! I am okay with having to recover afterwards and would still rather have fun opportunities that essentially cause more pain to myself. It’s just about pacing. Yet I forget other people don’t have to consider this. I know it is a massive generalisation to say that everyone has the same experiences as myself, but it is my normal. I find it odd that your body moves the way you want it to and will perform tasks the same from one day to the next. What is that like? In the same token, do you not think about the possibility of matching a mobility aid to your coat? Just think of all the combinations!

You could argue that in some sense I don’t see myself as different and therefore believe I experience the norm. When something is so normal to you as having ten fingers and ten toes, then it is pretty easy to think everyone else must be the same. Cerebral Palsy is seen as a disability or condition, but it is also integrated into my identity. It is not all of me, nor is it a little sidekick that stands next to me. Cerebral Palsy is like blue eyes or brown hair, one piece of the puzzle that makes me human. Realising that everyone doesn’t have this puzzle piece can be strange when it is so integral to many aspects of your own life.

I also believe my brain thinks I walk a lot better than I do! To my knowledge I am walking, I then see everyone else around me walking. We are all mentally going through the same process, yes it may take more concentration in my case, but that is probably the only difference. Yet it is the damage to my brain that causes messages to my body to be interrupted, causing the wobbly gait. It is only when I catch a glance of myself in a shop window or mirror that I notice just how wobbly I can be. Or how my arm doesn’t quite sit in a ‘normal’ position. The world would be a very different place if everyone wobbled about their day. A lot more people would probably end up bumping into each other which would end up with everyone in a heap on the floor. The world would be a much more accessible- if that isn’t a good enough reason for everyone to have Cerebral Palsy, then I don’t know what is!

I guess a more accurate statement might be that I forget that I have Cerebral Palsy. Not in the literal sense, I am fully aware of the physical affects. I am not able- bodied and that is completely okay. I can forget how my body may appear to others and that others don’t have the internal challenges that I experience. In this respect, I may need to rest more than others, feel more pain than they do or have to concentrate more to complete than other people. This isn’t a bad thing and is all part of having Cerebral Palsy, that should be more than enough justification to myself.

Just to clarify, the whole world doesn’t have Cerebral Palsy.

~ Chloe x