The pressure to be positive as a disabled person

The pressure to act a certain way is unfortunately more common than we care to admit. This might be pressure from social media, society or the latest TV advert. I could talk loads about the need for disability representation in the media or how social media is dictating how everyone should look. However, more specifically, disabled people feel the pressure to be positive.

The stereotype

I don’t even know where this concept came from, but apparently it’s one of those stereotypes that has gotten out of control. As a disabled person I must be grateful for what I have, and don’t get me wrong — I am! However, we’re allowed to scream and shout and say it’s all not fair, because most of the time it’s not! We need to be seen as the inspiration that society craves us to be. Stepping outside of this seems to be viewed as ungrateful for the abilities that we do have.

As someone who talks about their disability online, I am often hesitant of being negative. To appear ungrateful or to perpetuate the belief that having a disability is the worst thing in the world just seems like I’m doing a disservice. Not only that, to show a weakness makes us out to be the most vulnerable within society and we don’t want that sympathy. We get patted on the head for living day to day, and that’s when we’re being positive!

Positivity trap

The negative aspects of our lives are certainly harder to discuss, but you know what, they actually are the things that need to be said! If we fall into the positivity trap then we are only sending out that stereotype to other disabled people. Before long, everyone with a disability will think they are alone in those hard times. When you have a disability you fight many battles for equality and knowing you’re not alone can really help. We need to support others by showing the negative side, by doing so we can normalise this for other disabled people. No one needs to feel like the only disabled person who is having a really tough time.

Is it possible for a disabled person to feel down and fed up? Of course it is! I’m not saying that having a disability is the worst thing ever, but it’s certainly not a walk in the park. It can take its toll on a person both physically and mentally when attempting to compete in this able-bodied world. When you are disabled, it becomes your norm and can be central to many aspects of life. Yet when are symptoms ever positive? Having a disability doesn’t give you the power to fly, or anything too like that! That isn’t to say we can’t be positive, we just need to be mindful and given the space to be open about how difficult things can be at times.

Living up to reputation

When someone is deemed inspirational or influential, that can stay with them. It’s an honour to be seen as influential and to be promoting change, yet I do also see it as pressure to perform. To live up to a title or accolade and to show you are worthy can feel like an added weight at times. I believe this to be even more prominent when put in comparison to able-bodied people. It is possible to have influence and be negative, to be successful and honest. Disabled people do not have to be positive, but we too can find immense joy from life.

There are plenty of times when disabled people have low expectations put on them. Whether that’s what they are capable of or how they should act. As a result, we may find ourselves going the extra mile just to prove those people wrong. While there is nothing wrong with hard work and reaching your potential, we are allowed time off from that pressure. We don’t have to be going at full speed all the time to be seen as a successful disabled person. We are enough just as we are, despite the pressures that might tell us otherwise.

Disabled people can be positive, pessimistic or somewhere in the middle. They can have good days and bad days. We can succeed without pushing our health to the limits. We also do not need to hide the realities and apologise for simply being ourselves.

Stereotypes can only be broken if we continue to deviate away from them.

~ Chloe x