Cane Adventures: 2 years later

I’ve now officially been using a long white cane for two years. It’s honestly flown by, and I actually nearly missed the fact it has been this long! However, in some ways, the fact I didn’t realise what the date symbolised truly shows how the cane has become part of my life. It’s almost as if I’ve stopped counting the months of its existence and just seen it as an everyday item.

Despite this, I felt it would be a good time to have a bit of check-in. My blog started as diary entries and it’s these kinds of posts that remind me why I started writing in the first place. This is my chance to step back from the hustle and bustle of life and reflect on the last two years.

How are things going?

It’s been two years, how’s it going? How is your sight at the moment? Has it got worse? These are questions I get asked quite a bit when I meet up with someone I haven’t seen in a while. I never know how to respond. Yes, I can still see, which is good. However, the deterioration is still happening and this is physically and emotionally a constant adjustment.

Right now, as I write this post, my eyes are burning. I’ve spent the day at work and my eyes are tired. It no longer takes that much for my them to become strained or painful, with the simplest of things aggravating my sight. The more tired my eyes get, the less I can see, with my ability to focus on something becoming less and less.

Yes, I can rest my eyes. However, that’s when you realise that 99% of the things you would normally do require sight. One thing I have found that helps is sunglasses. Wearing sunglasses inside is now a weekly, if not daily occurrence, but it works! My light sensitivity is linked to my eyes becoming strained, but even if this isn’t the case, it helps to take the pressure off. It might not be sunny outside, but sometimes the less light the better!

Additionally, I think the physical and emotional aspect of sight loss needs to be looked at separately. I physically feel a lot more confident in my ability to use a cane, and this has come with lots practice. Yet emotionally I’m not comfortable with the idea that my sight is still deteriorating, or the fact that this has led me to need a cane in the first place! It’s very easy to become frustrated at the fact that I don’t feel okay with everything – it would make it a lot easier if I was. However, the last two years has also taught me a lot.

What have I learnt?

Using a long cane for two years has taught me a lot. It’s enabled me to learn a new skill, learn about myself and learn about others. A cane has opened up a new world of mobilising and a new form of independence, yet it has had its drawbacks.

Who would have thought that a white stick would become so useful (and vital) when trying to navigate. This foreign piece of equipment has been something I have learnt how to use to the best of my ability. Like anything, it takes time and practice to be able to use a cane, and I know I won’t be the first person to say it is harder than it looks. You not only are learning how to use this piece of equipment, but you are learning how your body moves. You are translating physical vibrations or drops from the handle of your cane into practical knowledge of how to navigate. A cane certainly isn’t something every blind or partially sighted person is able to master, and I know I have a lot more to learn.

However, I’ve also learnt the harsh realities that come with the social attitudes towards visually impaired people and the stereotypes people have about us. Here are a few:

• All people who use a cane are blind – nope!
• All blind people have no sight at all – not even close!
• Visually impaired people must be lost if they are by themselves – nah!
• All visually impaired people are waiting for a guide dogs – unfortunately not!
• Blind people can’t use a mobile phone – seriously, no!

Every time I leave the house, especially alone, I fear judgment from the general public. I can use my phone, I’m not completely blind and I can look someone in the face (because that totally means I can see perfectly fine!). People have looked at me in shock and disbelief as if I was pretending to be blind. My capabilities is often assumed. I understand that people won’t know how much I can see, but being congratulated for getting off a train is a bit much!

On the other hand, I’ve learnt the generosity of complete strangers. People who move out of the way if they see me coming, or let me know where an available seat on a train is. I’ve had people offer to describe clothing to me. A stranger has offered to show me where an item in a shop is and I’ve been guided through a busy restaurant. These small acts of kindness make a huge difference. It’s almost a privilege to witness people selflessly supporting others.

Finally, I’ve learnt the capabilities a person can have when adjusting to change, and that a new disability isn’t the end of everything. At times I have surprised myself. I’ve been using a cane for two years and I’m still adapting to this change. To constantly adjust your way of doing things to fit your current situation takes a lot of effort. It’s an ever-evolving cycle. I didn’t think I’d ever be in my current situation, but I’m actually proud of what I have achieved and learnt so far.

What’s next?

It’s all about taking each day as it comes. I cannot predict the future of my sight and I know that no amount of worrying will change the end result. Despite this, there is a worry there. It kind of sits at the back of my brain and creeps out every now and then. A reminder of how unknown this whole situation is.

From a physical point of view, I need to order a new roller ball tip for my cane as it has worn down so quickly! For those of you who may have no idea what I am on about, the bottom part of the cane that can be rolled across the floor is circular. Mine is currently resembling a bit of rounded cone. Having the roller ball tip like this will only make it more likely to get stuck, resulting in me jabbing myself in the stomach!

Also, I think it’s time to keep the yellow theme going and get a yellow cane. This is something I have thought about for a long time, but I know there is symbolism in a long cane being white. That being said, is it truly my mobility aid if it isn’t yellow? Watch this space!

As you can tell, it’s been an odd two years. I’ve learnt a lot and had a lot of changes to process. Despite this, a long cane wasn’t the worst thing in the world and people have got used to the idea of me using one, myself included. Things might be completely different two years from now. However, for the time being I will continue to just go against all of the stereotypes of a long cane user and cause confusion – you’re welcome!

Here are my previous white cane updates:

• Taking that step, using a white cane
• Giving the cane a chance
• Cane Adventures: 12 months later
• Cane Adventures: 18 months later

~ Chloe x