Cane Adventures: 18 months later

When you use a cane most of the time it is often a shock to look back and see how long it has been. This time was no different, and here I am writing an 18 month review. In some respects it feels so much longer, it is part of my normal and I’m not sure what I would do without it. On the other hand, the changes that have happened over the last 18 months that mean I now use a cane still feel new and not quite right. This review couldn’t have come at a better time.

In recent month I’ve realised those new to my blog might believe I have aways had a visual impairment, or that I was aware my sight would deteriorate, with using a long cane always being a matter of time. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Using a cane was never part of the plan, I’ve never had perfect vision, but for the vast majority of my life glasses have done the trick. However, over the last 18 months I’ve realised how little is known about partially sighted people who use a long white cane to help them get around. I can tell you first hand experience that it helps a lot. However, just looking at the media over the last 2 months is scary in terms of what some people think, and that a woman was ridiculed for using her long cane and mobile phone at the same time. Here is the Metro piece I wrote in response to this incident a few weeks ago. Similarly, RNIB got onboard with the creation of #BlindPeopleUsePhones:

Oh look! ?

Someone using a long white cane and a phone…

What you don’t realise is that my text is significant enlarged or I get my phone to speak to me! #BlindPeopleUsePhones pic.twitter.com/jH5RwnYdSE

— Chloe Tear (@chloeltear) February 2, 2019

It was good to have a more positive side across social media with various campaigners choosing to use it as an opportunity to raise awareness. Even before this post on social media there have been numerous times when it’s almost felt wrong to go on my phone, as if I’d be breaking some unspoken rule. With the line from my Metro article “I shouldn’t be embarrassed for using my vision” being my own daily reminder to myself. 

The inquisitive looks mainly occurs when I’m on a train, surrounded by members of the public who have a long enough period to get confused by someone using a long cane and their phone- even more so if they have just given up their seat for this ‘blind’ individual. Luckily, I have never had a direct comment because of this, yet odd looks and stares can speak just as loudly. I have been lucky enough to be able to take this campaign further with the help of BBC Radio Leeds. A video expressing my views was filmed at university and it was a good opportunity to reflect on what has happened and raise awareness around the misconceptions.

However, attitudes don’t stop there. Taxi drivers have questioned how I know where my house is and a member of the public stated ‘so you’re not actually blind!’ as I moved out of his way. Again, using my vision shouldn’t be a crime. Despite this, if we cast our minds back to April last year, this was when a was part of another BBC Radio Leeds video about the incredible service I received at Fat Face. With a woman very kindly asking if I would like her to describe any of the clothes. Having a disability, or acquiring a disability means you see the world slightly differently (physically and metaphorically in my case!), it means you see the worst and the best of people. I’d like to say it’s an even split of interactions, yet this may be a little generous. However, the kind reactions and support are worth waiting for. Even something as simple as turning up to a meeting and the agenda being in size 20 font so I can easily read it. I know this isn’t asking for a lot and perhaps these things should be expected, but you’d be surprised. I get to see the kind generosity of strangers offering me a seat or opening a door, these small gestures can have a big impact on my life, without a disability these moments of gratitude may be missed within the chaos of life.

Similarly, a review wouldn’t be complete without a little refection from myself. Like most things in life, this is a mixed bag of emotions. I am completely used to using a cane, I know how to navigate while using one and I actually feel more confident having it with me. Reduced vision and a lack of coordination and balance is just a recipe for disaster in terms of falling over obstacles, and I’d quite like to graduate this summer in one piece! Not to mention if you throw altered depth perception in there as well. The less falls the better. Yet these falls often serve as a strong reminder of things I can no longer see, even if that fall wasn’t necessarily sight related, they tend to be because I have walked into something. Despite rarely going out alone, when I do it can be exhausting, even if I don’t actually go anywhere. This goes wider than the physical act of walk, it’s more about the energy to try and ensure you don’t walk into anything or don’t misjudge steps or kerbs. It’s about being hyper-vigilant about your surroundings. On the contrary, I’m probably guilty of being a little too relaxed when I’m with people and misjudging things anyway! Sometimes it’s just nice to walk and not have to assess every situation, especially if you are tired to begin with. If that makes no sense at all then I apologise!

The funny thing is, people who don’t know me often think I can see less than I can. The assumption that a long cane means complete blindness is a strong stereotype that needs breaking. With those who know me often overestimating what I can see. I am by no means expecting anyone to get it right! Aside from blog posts, my vision is something that I find quite hard to talk about, with people who have known me for a while being slightly confused. Trust me, I’m confused too, we can all be confused together as to why I now carry round a giant white stick which is long enough for me to accidentally hit far too many people! Why I was ever allowed such a thing is beyond me. The adjustment not only affects me, but the people around me, family and friends. Potentially affecting those who I may not see as often in a slightly different way. It’s okay to not get things right and it’s okay to ask me questions about it all. At times it has felt like the elephant in the room or the uninvited guest to a meal. We don’t need to ignore the fact I cannot see as well anymore.

With the future of my vision still remaining unknown, it can be hard to plan ahead. It’s hard to know what to prioritise when you are unsure if your vision would be impacted by that choice. I’m not for one second saying you can’t live a life without sight, I have so many people show me that it is possible on a daily basis and I cannot thank them enough for that. Yet the transition process to potentially get to that stage is daunting. It’s very easy to say I won’t let my health stop me from doing anything, if you know me well then you’ll know that’s probably enough determination to make me do it anyway. However, your health and having a disability must be considered when making all these important life decisions, especially with graduation looming! My decisions will be shaped by my health which includes my sight, this doesn’t mean I am letting it win, it just means I am being practical.

Using a long white cane for the past 18 months has given me a new outlook on life, allowed me to challenge negative attitudes and ensured I’ve maintained mobility. Despite certain elements of doubt or worry, this challenge is possible. Using a cane may wrongly symbolise complete blindness but I shouldn’t be embarrassed for using my vision and will continue to document #CaneAdventures to ensure another person isn’t wrongly accused of faking their blindness.

Also, who thinks a yellow cane would be a great addition to the mobility aid collection?…

 ~ Chloe x