Being disabled forces you to be confident

You’ll have to let me explain this one. Does being disabled force you to be confident? You could argue the opposite, that it’s the reason why someone lacks confidence. My 15 year old self would have done anything to blend in and not be seen as disabled. But that’s why I’ve been forced to be confident.

I’m not saying that all disabled people have to be confident, nor are you failing if you’re not. Yet I believe being disabled forces us to become more confident in comparison to our non-disabled peers.

When you have a visible disability, you can’t get away from the fact that you’re disabled. For me, having a Labrador with me at all times is a bit of a giveaway…

Confidence to be visibly disabled

My disability hasn’t always been obvious. I could hide and walk the tightrope between non-disabled and disabled. I’d pass as both. If anything, that made me struggle with confidence even more. I didn’t know where I fit in. I didn’t feel disabled enough to pass, but also struggled to obtain the standards of being non-disabled. Sometimes you can’t win.

Initially, when my physical health declined, my confidence was at its lowest. I felt vulnerable, a fraud and struggled with self-worth. However, once I’d begun to accept disability as part of my life and I self-identified as disabled, I gained confidence.

Personally, I think that confidence comes from being comfortable in yourself. When you’re disabled this can be hard work. It requires more work to have that self-confidence. Yet I feel lucky to have found the peace.

Confidence to advocate

We have to be confident in our abilities, because we get told we can’t do things. We have to be confident in our inabilities, because we get told we can do things.

Disabled people often spend half their time proving people wrong, while simultaneously wanting to live their life without being seen as special or inspirational. We only prove people wrong due to the societal expectation that disabled people achieve less. Yet this means we need to be confident in what we can achieve. We mustn’t take on this societal expectation. Yes, we have limitations. We might do things differently. But only we can make that call.

Every disabled person is unique. So their needs are unique to them. This means you might need to speak up if you need support. Not only that, we need to advocate for our needs. If we don’t, our health could suffer.

Confidence to carry on

If we want to live our life, we have to be confident. Confident in our ability to be resilient. Unfortunately you will come across barriers, challenges and judgemental attitudes. It’s very easy to avoid certain things because of bad experiences.

I’m not saying these things have no impact, because they really do! Every time I’m on a train I’m worried assistance will have forgotten me. I spend most of the journey thinking about what I’ll do if no one is there. Whenever I go into a new shop or cafe, I’m worried I’ll be refused entry because of my guide dog.

These fears aren’t irrational, they’re because this type of thing happens all the time. If I let every incident stop me from doing these things, I’d never leave the house. I need to have the confidence to continue living despite these situations.

Conversely, have the confidence to know your own limits. If something is too much, that’s okay! Sometimes it’s safer to stay at home when we don’t have the mental energy to deal with potential barriers.

Confidence to stand out

Disabled people have an instinctive ability to adapt. We live in a world that’s not designed for us. We spend our lives adapting to an inaccessible world. Yet that takes confidence. The confidence to do things differently and stand out.

Whether that’s using a mobility aid or adapting when out and about, it can make us stand out.

The confidence to know you’ll get stared at, but doing it anyway. To know you’ll get asked personal questions by strangers on the bus. I’m not saying we should accept these things, but right now it still feels inevitable. Most of the time you’ll be the odd one out. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable. We’d happily blend into the crowd.

Living as a disabled person takes confidence, but that doesn’t mean we have to be confident every day. You are perfectly okay just the way you are.

~ Chloe x