Disability,  Visual Impairment

Eye can do this…

4th March 2018 /
As most of you probably know, I’m registered as partially sighted and have been for a year now- it’s gone super fast! They say having a disability can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and having a visual impairment is no exception to this. You will have fantastic highs, daunting lows and tight corners that come out of nowhere. Much like a rollercoaster, it is just one big loop that keeps on going!

Last night was a combination of a tight corner that came out of nowhere and an abruped downward slope that’s taken me by surprise. Resulting in an ugly crying session, hugs and hot chocolate. I haven’t really got upset about my eyesight before. Yeah, there has been the odd moment of reflection, but I often didn’t have time to dwell on it for long. When I was officially diagnosed as partially sighted it was a bit of a shock, and when I got my cane it was also a bit of a shock- yet somehow I wasn’t too fazed by these changes to my life. Maybe because I am used to a range of mobility equipment in my life? Looking back I did just get on with it, minus a few nerves regarding my cane to begin with. 

I’ve had the pleasure of working with RNIB and love the organisation, surely that would make me realise?


Despite big changes over the last year, my ability to see hasn’t been the greatest for a lot longer then that. I think it is this steady decline which has made things easier to adjust to, yet has delayed my valid reaction of being upset (even it has been extremely delayed!). I believe it is only now that I am realising the extent of my vision, and that it unfortunately cannot be improved. In a way I feel bad for saying this. I know there are hundreds of people who have eyesight that is 10% worse that me, and over the past few months I have had the pleasure of getting to know some of these people. Why should I complain?

Having worn glasses on and off my whole life I am pretty clued up on the opticians experience and on the whole enjoy wearing glasses. Last Tuesday was no exception to this. It has always been quite rare for me to go to the opticians and not need new glasses and I have been okay with this. The new glasses always seemed to make a fairly big difference. This time was slightly different. Despite getting a new prescription the difference is very minimal and didn’t allow me to see another line on the chart- something that was both frustrating and upsetting. I will be getting a slight tint on my glasses though, to try and stop light hurting my eyes as much. I also haven’t worn my reading glasses for quite a few months due to them not really helping, with me relying on magnifiers instead. This time the ophthalmologist agreed that even with stronger reading glasses it didn’t actually help me. 

“I see you have dropped another line on the chart from last year”
Then the golden question: “Will my eyesight continue to deteriorate?”
“Unfortunately, we do not know…”
I had put too much hope on this appointment, just wanting stronger lenses which allowed me to see more then I currently can. With the sudden realisation that this is it. I will never have ‘normal’ eyesight again, who knows why I thought I could get it back! Being registered as partially sighted is not a phase I will go through, it is here to stay. With fluctuations in my physical health it has meant times of improvement, time where I have built my strength up- I have a feeling eyesight doesn’t work in the same way!

In some respects I could be cliche, and say I can now see more as a result of being visually impaired. I do still believe this to be the case. However, it would probably be more accurate to say I appreciate the things I now see. Not being able to see has taught me a lot, but having the vision in the first place still feels like the better deal. I long to see the detail in everyday items, and have always had a slight obsession of taking pictures of trees. Have you seen them?! When you get to see all the individual detail of the branches and how you can zoom in on photos and see every leaf that works together to built the unique shape of the tree, and how the sun can find gaps to shine through… okay, I will stop there before this becomes a blog post devoted to trees! 


It is hard to say what I miss as the changes have been so gradual. Yet the blurry world isn’t always the easiest. I would like to read without it causing pain. To watch a film that is HD and actually see the details. Maybe even to do my makeup without my nose touching the mirror. The daily task of going shopping and reading labels, or ordering food from a menu. To see something more than a grey blob, despite being able to figure out it is a bag. Stairs, especially with patterned carpet, appearing more like stairs!

There are ways round the difficulties that I face, plenty of ways in fact! It is becoming more common that I am using these items, and I am certainly gaining a collection of magnifiers!!! These are a massive help, I just need to remember to put one in my bag. 

I felt that capturing this moment would be beneficial. Writing is what I do when words can’t seem to be formed out loud. Yet I hope you all appreciate that times like this do happen and it is important to me that you get that balanced view. 

For now, I know I can do this.


~ Chloe x

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